I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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