Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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