you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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