There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
