I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
