Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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