Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
