So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
