see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
