Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
