just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can I color on your dick again?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
