they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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