I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have post one night stand depression
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