i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
