I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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