She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
