he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
