I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
