i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
