Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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