Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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