What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
