theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
