my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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