I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
