He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
