worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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