Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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