I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
