Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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