obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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