Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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