so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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