My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
