i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
