It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
