Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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