the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
