Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
