I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
