Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
