is your mom at the bar?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
