Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
