I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
