i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
