its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
