I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
whose parrot is this?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
