thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
