my being single is dangerous.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
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one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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