By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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