What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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