im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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