I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
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i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
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(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up under a house in Key West
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