More tranny stories later!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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