i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
