No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
