even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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