Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
