The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
