i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
