I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
