If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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