The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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